All right, who tossed an episode of South Park into my copy of Angry Birds? It would appear the chaps responsible are Millipede Creative Development, who intend to bring the App Store its raunchiest physics puzzler yet in the form of Bullistic Unleashed. A self-proclaimed “vandalism simulator,” Bullistic has the player launching bulls through the halls of a shopping mall in a bid to destroy as much stuff as possible. That “stuff” includes people, by the way — if buckets of blood and skeletal remains smear your touchscreen to the sound of horrific screams, you’re doing it right.
Lobbing the bulls should be a very familiar process to Angry Birds fans, though you won’t be using the traditional rubber slingshot. And don’t ask me to explain how it does work; I’m just gonna forego my journalistic responsibility on this one and let the dev footage below speak for itself. No, it doesn’t make an ounce of sense and the very thought will have many a male player wincing in pain, but that’s just how you roll in this oddball title.
This isn’t to say that Bullistic is merely Angry Birds re-skinned with tons of potty humor — good game design sense comes with the territory. You can pinch-zoom the current level to view most or all of it at once while aiming, and that’s especially useful when levels get as huge and complex as they do here. You’ll be flinging your bulls one at a time into veritable Rube Goldberg machines, hoping all the springs, bombs and elevators will eventually land your bull into rotating buckets that give you one last burst of control over the carnage. Careful aiming will net you upgrade tokens that unlock new bulls, each introducing properties or tap-activated special attacks that make it easier to fill your destruction meter.